Mother’s Day Gift

My daughter told me one Mother’s Day Eve, “Oh Mama, I can’t wait for tomorrow, because it’s Mother’s Day!”

It made me laugh, because after having two boys and living with a husband who becomes routinely frantic the day before a holiday (in fear of gift failing), it was refreshing that someone was excited about Mother’s Day. I asked her why, and she said because she had a special gift to give…. and she did!

This year, I have no gift to give (literally still need to shop for my mom and mother-in-law) but I do offer you all this blog post as my gift. I learned a wonderful mother lesson early on, yet amongst the tornado lifestyle I live, I still have to tell myself this today….. as much as I am telling you.

For me, the daily ride on the motherhood train is so HARD.  It combines the dynamics of still trying to please my mother (and myself) with the person I am or want to be, with the dynamics of trying to teach these three kids to grow up like me or even better…..not like me!

I love my mother. I am so grateful for who she is and what she has taught me. But, we are so alike that we see the flaws in ourselves when we are together, and it’s a reminder mirror of personal defeat. This makes it complicated at times for us.   We handle it well, and many wouldn’t know that struggle.

I can relate to the pressure it must have felt for my mom, when I grew to act so much like her,  because I see that same pressure, when I look at my oldest son.  Therefore, rather than embracing our commonalities, I am always pushing him to be what he isn’t, or pointing out these flaws that I have now learned from….. very much like my Mom did with me.  I think we do this just because we don’t see the good in ourselves enough… we don’t see the gifts.

We learned about this during our bible study this week.  The study is Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst, and it’s fitting that about twelve superglued women sit around discussing their “unglued” motherly moments each week.

These women get me through the whirlwind of motherhood each day.  This week one of the notes in the study read “We assume how we feel about ourselves is how God must see us.”  This really struck something in me, and helped me realize that how I feel about myself can affect my parenting abilities.

Some funny bible study discussions combine our daily discipline tactics,  such as one mom making her daughter wear a sign that read “I am a liar” out in public.  Or, another mom who had a car meltdown with her thirteen year old and had to “pump the brakes” to show him she wasn’t restrained from that seatbelt as much as he thought she was.

We laugh about experiences or cry together, while sharing stories that make us all know we are not alone in our MESSY, imperfect progress to be the best moms we can be.

My favorite story this week was one a mom told about her daughter trying out for the Elementary School Talent Show. Her daughter didn’t practice, she didn’t plan, she didn’t even have music. She just decided she could do it and she went for it. This mom was flabbergasted when she found out.

The mom asked her 3rd grade daughter, “How did you have the courage to do this?”

The daughter replied, “Because you taught me, Mama!”

Wow!

You. Taught. Me.

This particular mom couldn’t believe her daughter would try out, when she knew she never would have without preparation to know she would succeed.   How could she have taught her that?

We forget that we do teach them.  And sometimes, even though we may not always follow our own advice, they actually do listen to us!  Sometimes, we want for our children what we couldn’t do for ourselves, or what we still can’t do for ourselves.   Her daughter also taught her something and all of us listening to that story.

My daughter taught me something this past week, too.  I was driving my kids to school on Wednesday morning. Guilt driven, I apologized to them all for the night ahead of us.

I said, “I’m sorry that this one night of the week, when we finally have a free night, I will be having the Bible study at our home!”

My eight year old daughter quickly said, “But, that’s the perfect night for you to have the bible study.. the free night!”

She looked at the gift we were given to be able to have the study, instead of the reasons the study would cause us more nightly responsibilities. She taught me that morning and I heard the lesson loud and clear.

As Mother’s Day comes, so do the emotions. I have emotions for my kids getting older, and for my mother getting older. I have emotions for those that have lost their mothers and how the holiday can be a bittersweet reminder of their precious memories.

I have emotions for those who can’t be a mother. I still remember the sadness I felt after calling my best friend who was newly pregnant, on Mother’s Day. It was 15 years ago, and I thought I was being clever saying, “Mums the word!”, only to hear from her husband that she had miscarried the day before.

I have emotions for those who have been a mother and have lost a child. There are no words for me to write down to describe that, as I would never want to claim I can even begin to understand that grief. But, I do pray for them and their grief during this day.

Finally, I have emotions for those who are living life right along with me, mothering daily, yet they don’t realize the true gift they have.  I have emotions, because I have to remind myself of this gift.

I remember when I became a mom, I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities that were given to me compared to my husband for our first born, and I was consumed with comparing my role to his.

It was my first night out, and I was having a little pity party and complaining to a lady I barely knew saying……

“I have to….” and “I’m the only one who…..” and “Why do I have to……”

and she looked at me and said as serious as she could,

“Aren’t we lucky we GET to be the Mom’s?”

I have not forgotten. Aidan was two months old. I don’t remember her name, but I’ve never forgotten that I GET to be a mom! It’s a priceless gift that some women would give anything for. Some children long for it, and don’t have it. Some women yearn to be it, and can’t. It’s a privilege we are given. It’s the real gift!

So, regardless of our motherhood struggles, complications, unglued moments, daily lessons learned, or emotions…….today, my gift to you (and myself) is the reminder that we don’t need to unwrap anything special or give anything over the top!

God already gave us the best Mother’s Day Gift…. as women…. WE GET TO BE THE MOTHERS!!!

Your Truly,

Hairnet Heiness